Opposite outcome.

I am perplexed.
After having my music performance I should feel free, relaxed and happy; but I am not. My conscious is clouded with regrets and criticism on my failure to perform decent music. I am stuck on an island of wallowing pain whilst staring out at the wide ocean of answered answers and freed freedom, with the gulls of glee and clouds of contentment circling above.

I am perplexed.
Is studying a bad thing? Why am I worried about for doing the right thing? Is it because of my naivety that I should be monitored with limits like a piano with confined cadenzas? Should my fountain of knowledge go dry or the streams of life flow through rough boulders?

I am perplexed.
The door to future has given a preview but never a free ticket. The floor is a sea of keys, awaiting for a desperate soul to find 'the' right one.

I am only famished.
My mind hungers for words to consume and songs to drink, whilst my eyes grow weary, limbs limp and innards screeching and moaning.

Enough is enough.
This is it. My fingers can only bring me so far, but give my mind an inch and it will soar a leap for miles, daring to dream dreams that one would never imagine. The human brain is a peculiar thing. It is a blank canvas with fate painting with invisible ink.

When you stare into the blue, blue sky, what do you see?
Do you hear the sweet birds singing in the nearby tree?
Do you taste the fresh winter chill?
Did the smooth breeze peck you on the cheek?
Is the aroma of sunrise dew and lavender playing with your strands?

Dawn has never felt better before.
New sun, new thoughts, new canvas.

Domestic Instruments......?

Yes. Well... I've always thought of my violin as my pet... So then ideas popped up and bing batta boom! We got some domestic instruments. My pe- err Violin has feelings. Honest. =_=

One time I had to replace two strings and they both broke. So my violin teacher had to lend me his spare strings which weren't very good/suitable for my violin. Boy did my violin hate it. It yelled and screamed with disapproval and even made a muted sound as if stubborn to reply to me! D:

So today... I went to buy new strings, but of course mum told me to ask the man to replace them for me. He did them perfectly and we went back home with smiles on our faces~ (Not to mention the opportunity to eat at a cafe for breakfast!) I fine tuned the violin once more and found that it had a scratchy screeching sound. Now that reminded me of an unhappy pet who just took a trip to the vet for a check up. (You have no idea what they do to check your temperature. First they get this thermometer thing and shove it up your- yeah. You know what I'm talking about...) So my violin has been mentally post stick'ed to be the house cat. Unpredictable as always, very pampered... And hates check ups. I think it even ate my tuner and played with my spare A string... I swear I need a violin councilor.. Soy sauce said that she charges $5/hour. Reasonable, no? Haha. The Psychology of a 200year old french violin... Figures.

Which left me with the question of... What would other instruments syombolise?

My opinion is...

Violins are cats. Because they are pampered, expensive (At times) and hate you if you change anything. (most of the time)

Cellos would be dogs because they are even more expensive, but more err.. friendly. Apparently a person singing is closest to the range of a cello than anyother instrument. So cellos are man's best friend?

Pianos would be birds or a canary to be more specific. Its always singing and the music is always in a 'cage' (strings inside the piano)

Flutes would be fish or goldfish. Seriously, one of the easiest to maintain, just wash up the flute (fishtank) everyday. And just imagine trying to play a flute underwater.... My bubbles! :D

And that was all I could think of... Sorry if I missed your instrument!! (I'm not very familiar with woodwind/brass instruments...)

So enjoy taking care of your domestic pets/instruments!

Kitty! :D

Aussie aussie aussie, oi oi oi!!

Yay. I am finally back from my 6day trip to sydney and I miss the internet, nz air and our not-so-annoying accents. No offence, Oz has dodge accents. Try sitting through a conversation with someone saying 'Yeh' at the end of every phrase or sentence. But anywho... EVERYTHING IS EXPENSIVE THERE. but maybe its because I'm a tourist and I do not work there. (with the nifty minimum wage of $20 per hour) Mum had to check the exchange rates every now and then before we go all azn and spend $$$ on souveniers and whatnot. So here is a mini recount on my trip~

2nd April:
Landed at Oz at... 10am. Rented a car and GPS system is being annoying. Dad is cranky cause its old and tells you to turn the opposite direction. Got to the hotel~ then went to find Bondi (pronounced Bond-eye) beach. It took us around... 45 minutes of azn stress and an extra nagging voice from the GPS before we arrived at our destination. Yay!! Then... We got another dillema.
Parking booth. D:
Mum was complaining about how expensive it was and we were putting in the coins one by one :3 (Their 50 cent coins are MASSIVE) The sand at Bondi beach was real soft... But sis says that they 'buy' sand. Which then made me feel like I'm stepping on a huge sandbox... Artificial and spade 'n' bucketless. We then went to a nearby restaurant for dinner~ Bondi pizza... It was AWESOME. The flavours there were out of this world! I mean, ever heard of mango and yoghurt pizza? Damn straight you haven't. It was surprisingly delish. Then back to the hotel and sleep on a piece of cloud.... (from the sky, not final fantasy.)

April 3rd:
We had to pack and go up to blue mountain for one day so mum booked a room at a hotel there for the night. We got to see these three mountains right next to each other named the three sisters. Going down a trail to the only sister able to be closest to made up of... A flight of stairs which were on a steep angle going down, which going down to our destination was a breeze. What about going up? Well... lets just say I had to stare at my sister's butt going up the whole flight of stairs. Butterflies grew by ten fold whenever I took a look down behind me and my hands would get clammy.
After a breathtaking view of the mountains and a trip up and down the stairs of hell, we went to a steakhouse for dinner. (Oh the joy...) I personally dislike huge amounts of meat so I shared with mama~ It was terrible. ;_; The chefs obviously did not know what 'medium rare' steak was. My piece of meat was ozzing with red liquid and tasted foul. I was scared of beef steak from then on.

4th April:
We drove back to sydney but went to a wildlife park on the way. Kangaroo here, koala there... Then end of park. Now off to the royal easter show grounds!! It. Was. HUGE. Honestly, it makes our easter showgrounds look like a small ant compared to its large space (olympic park grounds) and it even had a gigantic ferris wheel! (Brownie points for that..) The event was two weeks long and it was filled with lights and laughter. My mum bought a quilling set for herself, my sister and I to share~ I got a FF13 key chain which was LIGHTNING'S SWORD!!! Thank god it made through security when I brought it back... :D

5th April:
We went to darling harbour and I met up with a friend there~ We went to watch 'How To Train Your Dragon' in the biggest IMAX in the whole world!! It was most certainly HUGE. I was left speechless after the movie~ Then my family and I went to an aquarium. It had small activities on 'Where's Wally?' good times... The fish and other creatures were awesome... And around the last part, there was a huge aquarium display with all sorts of fish, sharks and a turtle. We sat on the carpet steps staring in awe for about and hour with the orchestral music whispering softly through the speakers... Thank god we didn't get brainwashed or anything like that...

And.. I lost record of the rest of the days. But it was fun~
I am glad to say that I came back alive and safe (Better than missing the plane because kangaroos kidnapped me..) And I have been staring at my newly bought anime trinklets since then~

Batta Bing Batta Boom!

I am exhausted. These two weeks has been filled with the most azn to the most epic to the most unexpected. First off the bat, camp!! Three days of no showers and epic fun. It was by far the best camp I ever had ^^ The activities were exciting and interesting (Don't ask about the Eco trail. We played cricket instead :D ) Sit-on-top kayaks was my first and most favourite activity. The waves were HUGE. Sometimes I wonder whether the huge waves was the effect of the earthquake from Chile but you can never know! Our Kayak capsized because my partner at the front fell of the boat just in time for a monstrous wave to roar ferociously at me whilst she was 'gulbba gulb'ing underwater.... But nonetheless it was still fun when I fell of the kayak as weird as that sounded. The night time was very uneventful. I woke up at 2:30am twice in a row and couldn't sleep at night because of the salt making my hair sticky and trying to sleep without taking a shower is very uncomfortable. =_= So we all came back safe and sound except now I am EXTREMELY TAN. I took a 30min luxurious shower and hugged the monitor. Technology had never been sweeter music to my ears....

Then after that was Fia Fia night, which basically was a cultural night and me and three other people were playing the kompang, which was a Malaysian drum. Our beat was simple yet effective I would have to say, but the Korean drums pwned us by far. Serious. After seeing the Samoan group perform their dance for almost half a whole freakking hour and watch them being given money by the audience on stage, the korean drums were epic win.

I had two assignments to work on, and now only the music composition which I have been procrastinating on. And with only barely five days to complete it, my friend challenged me to a DS battle which I could NOT refuse. (As stupid as it sounds..) Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2 and Pokemon Platinum. And I got even more competitive when he said 'I'll go easy on you' . Now THAT really made my twitch. My other friend told me he was just trying to be a gentleman.
\stare
There is a thin, fine line which distinguishes two things. Being a gentleman and being a SEXIST. I also do not approve of 'going easy' on anything or anyone (unless it is highly nessacary) because I grew up that way. (You can also charge badminton guilty. I was told to show no mercy to an 8 year old kid and 'smash' her ;_; FEEL MY PAIN) Plus you wouldn't learn anything properly or 'the hard way' if everything was just a walk in the park. So BRING IT ON!!! I have been training my Final Fantasy team and theyre still at level 76. Mark my words. By the time it is showdown time, I will be victorious!!! XD




Rawr =w=

Sniffle

I am partly sick. Hacking and coughing since Monday. Not to mention the snot and sniffing. I was reading Tsubasa in the library when suddenly I had a violent fit of coughing cause saliva got stuck down my windpipe. And it was embarrassing. This little kid was like, staring at me like I was an assassin plotting to kill Sora or something... No. Sora is awesome. And I am not an assassin.

I'd wish =w=

So any who... Badminton
\falls down in defeat.

I don't know why I can't defeat those girls! Its quite frustrating... But I shall 'chill' . Its just that I am being moved down to the lower box and with the little kiddies. NOT COOL. =w=

And, three of my violin strings are either broken or rusty to the point that its scratching the fingerboard. Mum better have had bought those strings otherwise I'm screwed for violin lessons tomorrow D:

My English teacher is MAD. 'nuf said. She gives us so much homework its like she thinks we're applying for a PHD in literature.... =w= What. An essay due in next Monday...

I'm gonna stay happy-go-lucky like Fai~~ You can always learn new things from that happy camper! XD

Squee! XD I LOVE clamp's art... =w=

\drools at pretty hand art and complicated whatnot's.

Hmm. I'm just gonna do my best at everything from now on!! :D

Especially science. =.= MUST GET ALL EXCELLENCE'S!!!
OTL

Physics+maths= epic win.

NOW I SO GET EVERYTHING!!
Fank Joohh Maths =w=

And I need to practice violin. I swear someone has to backhand me senseless if I even miss one day of practice... OTL


"Practices only on the days that you breathe." Quoted by my music teacher.

Oh the sarcasm. That deserves brownie points. =w=

So I shall retire from this blog for now :D

Have a nice day(s)! XD

Canteen Nazi Style.

This is madness. Utter preposterous madness. This year (like every other year) our school has athletics day on a Tuesday and a Thursday and cultural groups are allowed to sell only drinks on Tuesday and food AND drinks on Thursday.

This year, we (the Malaysian group) were ready and ever so excited to spread our culture and show the school what Malaysians we're REALLY made up of! (Some people still think that we Malaysians live in tree house, which is oh so wrong my friend. We live in spacious, cozy terrace houses =w=) So the problem? This year, because of the selfish school canteen (who sell overpriced, low quality food.) are prohibiting the sale of drinks on a Tuesday. And they only told us that on the day before athletics day. Outrageous!! I dare say.

I am BEYOND enraged. Everyone have already bought and planned everything for tomorrow and now we can't sell anything?!

Our poor leader is beyond stressed and is distressed about the dilemma so now what?

I DEMAND A REFUND.

'tis something a constantly say when I demand something to happen for the good of the majority.

A Filled Bottle But No Detonator.

I am in the dumps. 'nuf said. Reason? Badminton. And my bad habit of self criticism. It really hurts. Honest. Today was the first day of team tryouts to represent your province, and I screwed everything up by losing all my games. Badly. I know I can beat those girls (served with humble pie) But I ended up failing so bad.

This means A LOT to me. Because being the youngest in the family, my parents have been praising my elder siblings since I was little.

"Your sister is in the top class so you should aim for that as well."

"Look at your brother's consistency on the piano! You have to be able to play at least as good as your brother."

"You're doing it all wrong. Why can't you draw nicely like your sister?"

"Why aren't you like your brother and sister?"

I'm so sick of it. There's a twisted knot inside of me and it hurts so bad. Why can't I choose what I want? Just because I am the youngest does NOT mean that you can use my other sibling's childhood as a template. Because there is no other option to solve the nagging and comparing, I'm trying my very best to achieve both my parent's and my own standards. I want to prove to them that I can actually make them acknowledge me as who I am. I want them to praise me. I've been waiting all my life to hear those few words of acceptance. Just a glimpse of hope to make my life worthy of existing.


I play the piano and violin. I play badminton. I have average drawing abilities. I am able to barely speak Chinese, Cantonese and Japanese. And a hint of Malay. I can read, write, talk, laugh, share emotions, walk, run, hear, see, sew, cook, do the dishes and laundry, do mental maths, sing, sigh, think, text, scream, cry, type, skip, fall, trip and have a need to be wanted, accepted and loved.

I am a human being.
There is no 'perfect child'.
Isn't trying my best already good enough?
Oh. Of course it's not.
But I want to live my life with no regrets.

So I gotta look forward.

Yesterday was history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that is why we call it present.
Good night.

I will be waiting for the day my bottle falls to the ground and sets free the caged bird inside.