This means A LOT to me. Because being the youngest in the family, my parents have been praising my elder siblings since I was little.
"Your sister is in the top class so you should aim for that as well."
"Look at your brother's consistency on the piano! You have to be able to play at least as good as your brother."
"You're doing it all wrong. Why can't you draw nicely like your sister?"
"Why aren't you like your brother and sister?"
I'm so sick of it. There's a twisted knot inside of me and it hurts so bad. Why can't I choose what I want? Just because I am the youngest does NOT mean that you can use my other sibling's childhood as a template. Because there is no other option to solve the nagging and comparing, I'm trying my very best to achieve both my parent's and my own standards. I want to prove to them that I can actually make them acknowledge me as who I am. I want them to praise me. I've been waiting all my life to hear those few words of acceptance. Just a glimpse of hope to make my life worthy of existing.
I play the piano and violin. I play badminton. I have average drawing abilities. I am able to barely speak Chinese, Cantonese and Japanese. And a hint of Malay. I can read, write, talk, laugh, share emotions, walk, run, hear, see, sew, cook, do the dishes and laundry, do mental maths, sing, sigh, think, text, scream, cry, type, skip, fall, trip and have a need to be wanted, accepted and loved.
I am a human being.
There is no 'perfect child'.
Isn't trying my best already good enough?
Oh. Of course it's not.
But I want to live my life with no regrets.
So I gotta look forward.
Yesterday was history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that is why we call it present.
Good night.
I will be waiting for the day my bottle falls to the ground and sets free the caged bird inside.
No comments:
Post a Comment